CONNECTING AND LEAVING
When babies open their eyes to the world, they are very vulnerable and in need of care. Nature also does not have a suitable environment for living things to exist alone. For this reason, babies need a caregiver who will protect them, meet their needs, take care of them and show love. So what the newborn needs is care, security and love.
The baby, whose all needs are met by the caregiver from the moment of birth, sees the world through the eyes of his parents (caregivers). The baby, who is fed when hungry, changed when needed, and whose need for contact with love is met, begins to trust the world. On the other hand, if their needs are not recognized and delayed for a long time, the baby develops a belief that the world is an unreliable place, and these root beliefs accompany him throughout life.
When it comes to attachment, we come across 3 types of attachment:
- Secure Attachment: Children who have developed this attachment style can be calmed down easily, even if they are anxious when they leave their mothers. Since their needs have always been met by their mothers, they feel confident that their mothers will return. And when their mother returns, they greet him with joy.
- Anxious Attachment: In this attachment, children become restless when separated from their mother and cannot be easily calmed down. They are children whose needs are not met but not met by their mothers and who are faced with inconsistent behavior. These children continue to be uneasy when their mother returns.
- Avoidant Attachment: In this attachment style, children do not choose between the mother and the stranger. It is often children who tend to ignore the mother and are emotionally neglected.
Children start to distinguish between mother and other people after 6 months. When she leaves the mother, it is quite natural to feel anxious. As a matter of fact, even with secure attachment, the child is expected to react when separating from the mother. For this reason, we can say that separation anxiety is a natural process of attachment.
Separation Anxiety Disorder, on the other hand, is a situation in which the child experiences severe anxiety, unlike the natural process described above. While separation anxiety is generally a natural process up to the age of 3 - 4 years, we can talk about Separation Anxiety Disorder in cases that continue after these ages and last more than 4 weeks.
In Separation Anxiety Disorder, children worry that something will happen to them when they are separated from their mothers and that the mother will not return. In this anxiety disorder, which manifests itself especially with the school starting process, nausea, abdominal pain, and sleep disorders may be seen in children. They can be restless all day and live attached to the mother, worrying that she will leave at any moment.
So what can we do as parents in this process?
• Telling the child the places we go to, even in the house, seems insignificant, but it will be an extremely effective method to develop trust. As we leave the room we are in: “Now I go to the kitchen, you can stay with me while I do my work or you can stay here and continue playing. I'll be with you when you call out. " Making a sentence such as will comfort the child.
• If we have to leave the child at home and go out, we must say this. Usually, parents tend to run away with the worry that they will "cry". However, in this case, we damage the child's trust in us. "I'm going to work. I'll be home at this time in the evening. When I come, we can talk about what you did today. " it will be enough to say.
• If there is a caregiver, it is important that there is no constant change. Separating from the mother and constantly trying to get used to different people and to establish relationships during that time can be very tiring for the child.
• If we are going to start a new school, it is extremely important to choose a school that enables a gradual separation. Otherwise, it is too much for the child to expect the child to try to get used to more than one new thing.
• As a parent, it is important to reduce your own anxiety when separating from your child. Because the child will notice an anxious face and feel insecure. "I'm going. This is a place I trust. You will be safe here too. I will come to pick you up at this hour. " and reflecting this confidence with our body language will also calm our children.
• It is very important to give our child the opportunity to express these feelings and to show that we understand him. We can ask him to paint and tell stories to make it easier for him to express his emotions.
• Playing games also has a healing effect. Playing ce-e games with younger children and playing hide and seek with older children are healing games for them as we rehearse our disappearance and coming back.
Exp. Psk. KUBRA DAGLAR ARSLAN
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